Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
