I wish you could order shots online.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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