Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
