Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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