Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
