Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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