At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
