I feel great
I just peed on a car
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
