I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
A+ Viking dick
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
