EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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