oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am mentally ready for anal.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
