The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
