well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
