I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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