I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
