Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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