Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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