Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
