Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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