can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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