"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
