Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
