this beer tastes like vomit already
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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