you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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