I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
