omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
