apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
