I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is Oprah even human
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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