How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
