Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have tasted many bathrooms
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
