He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
