you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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