Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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