Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
