Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
