You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
