i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
