I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
