sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
