I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
