When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
