there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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