Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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