Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I supernannyed him into submission
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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