Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
