i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
