before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
