HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
