i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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