Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
