i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
its not stalking. its research.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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