You work out of a Hotel?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
