my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
