yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
