No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
