Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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