Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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